Tito Car Guy

Field profile

Knows the fastest route to anywhere in Metro Manila. Will explain it unprompted, in full detail, twice.

Known behaviors

Overrides your navigation app with 'mas alam ko ang shortcut.'
Narrates the entire route before you have left the garage.
Refuses to let anyone eat inside the car, ever.

Natural habitat

Behind the wheel, at the wash bay on a Sunday, or leaning on somebody's hood delivering a lecture about tire pressure.

Signature phrase, on record

“Diretso lang dun, tapos kaliwa.”

Case notes

He has a personal, decades-long grievance with EDSA and a shortcut through a subdivision that may or may not still allow non-residents. The directions are correct, usually, but they are never brief. Just nod at the second telling. Correcting him about traffic is a faster route to an argument than any road he could ever recommend, and he will bring it up again at the next family dinner.

Engagement protocol, for field use

01Let the navigation app run silently. Audible rerouting is a declaration of war.
02Nod at the second telling of the shortcut. The third telling means he likes you.
03No eating in the vehicle. This rule predates you and will outlive you.

Field verification